I molested 6 butterflies tonight
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I don't deserve a penis
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
