If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Randomize
