She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Randomize
