I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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