Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
