So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
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Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
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Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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