either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
