Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
