She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize