I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
