Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Why can't burritos get me drunk
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
