last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
