Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
he thought i was a dude.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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