Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
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