Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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