Define "chronic" masturbator.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
