All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
