just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
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The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
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javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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