guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
