life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
