I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
