Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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