Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize