it wasn't lemon gatorade
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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