I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Randomize