I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
