true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
