Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
