Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
These tits shall not be calmed
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I have peed in a lot of sinks
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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