it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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