my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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