Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
