He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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