he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
