Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
