someone threw a dead crab at me
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
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