this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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