Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
