Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
