I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
