She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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