I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
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