I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
