A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
