Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
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