We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
