I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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