I must be too annoying 4 u.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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