I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
