Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Please don't give away my fajitas
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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