Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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