i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
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