SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize