Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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