What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
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broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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