Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
