I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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