take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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