I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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