The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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