a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
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Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
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No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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