just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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