i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
