I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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