Are we in a gay sports bar?
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
