you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
