omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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