If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
