Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
