she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
