I wish I could punch you in the face.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
