WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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